1. Every Dish Can Be Improved With The Addition Of Bacon.
2. Never Trust Anyone Who Uses Unusual Paper Clips.
3. Why Didn't Noah Swat Those Mosquitos?
4. Always The Smile, Sometimes The Nod, Never The Wink.
5. Cut The Fat, Cut The Flavor.
6. Talk Half As Much As You Listen.
7. It's Ok To Be Friendly To Cops.
8. First Date? No Texting, No Nachos.
9. Don't Steal Our Check Presenters.
10. Never Play Cards With A Man Who Wears A Visor.
11. When In Doubt, Always Pick "C".
12. Toll Booths Are Not For Asking Directions.
13. Always Buy Name Brand Tin Foil.
14. One Exclamation Point Is Plenty.
15. Self-Cleaning Ovens Usually Aren't.
16. The Shortest Line Always Has The Slowest People.
17. Why Do Movie Villains Always Walk So Slowly?
18. Never Order A Sloppy Joe On A First Date. Trust Us.
19. A Complicated Coffee Order Impresses No One.
            20. Try The Angels On Horseback. Trust Us.                       21. Captain Crunch Should Be Admiral Crunch By Now.
22. Mexican Restaurants Have The Worst Red Wine.
23. You Can Never Own Too Many Pairs Of Socks.
24. Never Trust A Man With Two First Names.
25. There Is No Shame In Club Soda & Cranberry.                        26. The Most Underrated Cake Is Carrot Cake.
27. Melon Should Be More Popular.
28. It's Tough To Find A Good Harmonica Teacher.
29. It's More Fun If It Requires You To Sign A Waiver.
30. The Words "Cheap" & "Sushi" Are A Bad Combo.                    31. A Muffin Is Just Cake In The Shape Of A Mushroom.
32. There Is No Shame In Well Done Steak.
33. When In Doubt Go Bowling.
34. Do Not Antagonize A Man With An Eye Patch.
35. Attending A Comedy Show? Avoid The Front Row.

36. In Descending Order: A Tad, A Dash, A Smidge.
37. Why Are Clowns So Creepy?
38. Cologne Advice: A Little Goes A Long Way.
39. 95% Of Arguments Can Be Resolved Using Google.
40. Not European? Do Us A Favor, Loose The Speedo.
41. No Woman Over The Age of 17 Likes Carnations.
42. Why Do Girl Scout Cookies Taste So Good?
43. You Should Never Spend More Than $20 On A Pen.
44. Any Restaurant That Claims To Be Famous Probably Isn't.    45. Even The Very Best Zoos Feel Like Animal Prisons.                46. A Power Bar Is A Candy Bar With A Shinny Wrapper.
47. Never Ask "Where Are The Staples?" , At Staples.
48. Why Does Everything Taste Like Chicken?
49. First Date Advice: Avoid All-You-Can-Eat Restaurants.
50. Youth Ministry Leaders Always Have Goatees.                         51. The Second Doughnut Is Exactly One Too Many.
52. Hat Brim Bending Decreases With Age.
53. Your Wife Is Pregnant, Not Preggers, Pregs, Or Prego.
54. Better To Get Wet Than Be Seen In A Plastic Poncho.
55. Never Wave At A Video Camera After The Age Of 14.           56. If There Is Danger Involved, It Is Always Fun.
57. Being A Regular At Starbucks Is Nothing To Brag About.
58. The Slower The Movie, The Better The Reviews.
59. Three Bowling Trophies Equals One Oscar.
60. Never Be The One To Start Or Finish A Stadium Wave.        61. The Most Extreme Tyrant: The Manager At T.G.I Friday's.
62. Why Do Movie Villains Always Have Accents?
63. If The Bartender Has A Mullet, Don't Order A Martini.
64. You Don't Pay Cash At The Dentist.
65. Older Than 23? Don't Use The Word "Party" As A Verb.         66. Never Send Roses To Your Mother-In-Law.
67. Like Getting Pulled Over? Buy A Red Car.
68. Is The "S" Or "C" Silent In The Word Scent?
69. Always Bet On Black, Trust Us.
70. Who Put The Alphabet In Alphabetical Order?